As the weeks and months passed things were at a stand still. Going through the motions is what the experts say you look for a sense of some normalcy that is never going to be what you think is normal again. My dad took ill about two months after my mothers death and he landed himself in the hospital with extremely low blood pressure the doctors could not figure out what was going on so he was admitted the first time for three days then back home, two days later back in the hospital but this time it was something more critical he had a blockage in the main artery in the left leg that needed to be opened up so he was back in the hospital. We had a month of this back and forth to the hospital then finally he began to get better. Spring was finally beginning to show it self and the mood was getting lighter. We all began to feel like smiling and we began a new normal.
May was here and things were finally looking a little better. First Holy Communion season was upon me and I was busy getting ready for the kids receiving. I was feeling like things were moving in the right direction although had some signs of sadness but worked through it. Went to parties that afternoon, first time I really socialized with people since my mothers passing and it felt good to be out and socializing again it made me feel happy to be with people. The last few months had been taxing and I needed to be with people again. As that weekend progressed I began feeling ill a tightness in my chest and excessive sneezing and a very sore throat I was getting a cold. And did I ever get sick. My sister had to take me to the urgent care because it felt as if my lung collapsed I was in a great deal of discomfort that I was crying because it hurt so much when I would take a breath, found out that I had bruised my ribs from the coughing and my breathing was very labored and I had a massive sinus infection I missed about three days of work then started to feel better.
Finally feeling better things were moving right along, the first mothers day was hard, her first birthday without her was most difficult for all of us then the summer was here. I would stop at the cemetery on my way home from work I had tied an angel to her shepherds hook that had her mothers day plant on it. I said it was to keep her company while we were not there, that sounds silly but gave me comfort in knowing we did not dessert her in any way. I was really missing her and our talks.
My dad seemed to be doing a lot better seeing friends, playing golf, went on little trips for long weekends. I too was enjoying the summer best as I could with no real vacation in sight however, I was building a stronger relationship with God. You see since my mom passed I was afraid of death then I come to the conclusion that it is not death that we are afraid of so much but the how we die will we suffer, will we die alone, will people come to honor my memory you begin to ask those questions that is when by the end of the summer said I should do something for me and only me to get myself together. That is when I had made my decision.
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